Wanna be the coolest fuckin’ “firestarter” since Drew Barrymore? Well then, here’s what you’re gonna need. First, go to flamerite and pick up one of their signature series or artist-designed Zippos, (pesonally, I recommend the one with the girl in red stockings sawing off a unicorn’s horn, but that’s just me) then go get yourself a copy of 50 Ways to Rock a Lighter.

Yeah, you’re gonna be one smooth smoothie now! Finally the chicks are gonna be all over you. I can see it now… [looking off dreamily]