“Ah couldnae mention the Barrowland gig tae Lizzy. No fuckin chance ay that man, ah kin tell ye. Ah had bought ma ticket when ah got ma Giro. That wis me pure skint. It was also her birthday. It was the ticket or a present for her. Nae contest. This was Iggy Pop. Ah thought she’d understand.

Ye can buy fuckin tickets fir Iggy fuckin Pop but ye cannae buy me a fuckin birthday present! That wis her response. See the cross ah’ve goat tae fuckin bear here man? Pure madness, ma man. Dinnae git us wrong. Ye can see her point. It’s ma ain fault though, like ah sais, ma ain fault…”

I can’t say I ever really wanted to be something I’m not, but if I had to be someone else, it’d have to be a British heroin addict with a cool accent. Oh well, since I’m not, maybe I’ll just get this awesome Union Jack shirt from Corned Beef Airlines. And at least I don’t have to steal shit and whore myself to pay for my tee addiction.

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