Never before have spinal cord injuries really struck me as funny, but this awesome tee from The Handsome Sausage sure as hell is. I played football when I was younger. Up to the point where some of the kids started looking like 30-year-old men and had more hair on their face than I did on my legs.

So looking back, maybe being a quiter paid off, considering I still have full use of all of my limbs. So kids, take it from me, quit the team and start partying now. You’ll thank me someday.

Plus those guys slap each other on the ass all the time. Do you really want to slap hairy men on the ass? That’s so gay…